Skate4Smiles in Memory of Dawson Ellert

This is Dawson's Momma here...I woke up this morning with a feeling of gratitude...a feeling of needing to thank so many people for the support of Skate4Smiles and our family.

Dawson is the reason Skate4Smiles is possible...Dawson is STILL the reason for so many good things that happen in our lives. Even though Dawson has been gone just over 4 years, that little man still inspires me every day.

I wanted to post a few pictures of Dawson from the day before his surgery in Saskatoon, February 11, 2010. This was the last day we would ever spend together...it was a beautiful day, a day we called our "adventure day". Dawson didn't need the wheelchair but he had fun wheeling around the hospital taking in all of the sights and sounds of our surroundings, the last place on earth either one of us wanted to be...but we all made the best of it, trying to keep a positive attitude. We ventured through the gift shop, trying to maneuver the wheel chair through it without breaking something! Dawson's first thoughts in the gift shop were of buying something for his little brother, Alex, so he could give it to him when he arrived at the hospital later that night. He was also adamant about buying me a little angel pin with a blue crystal in it...I told him to not worry about me and to save his money to buy something for himself. He kept coming back to that angel...I really wish now I would have let him buy it for me, it would have been the very last item my boy gave to me. And of course, in true Dawson style, he thought of everyone else first before finally deciding on what to buy himself in that little hospital gift shop.

We ventured outside the hospital together to get some fresh air...it was cold, I don't remember the temperature, only that we could only stay outside for about 5 minutes. If you knew Dawson, you would know that winter was his favorite time of year, he loved the first snow of the season. In that 5 minutes we were outside of the hospital, he managed to toss some snow in my face...and that would be the very last time his little hands would touch the snow which he loved so much. Once we decided to go back inside, we were just about to enter the doors when something on the ground caught Dawson's eye...it was a small key, something that one would use for luggage. Dawson picked it up and asked his Dad if he could keep it safe with him until he got home. Of course his Dad said yes and that same key remains on his Dad's key ring today.

As I look back now...as that day went on, I savoured every moment...I can still recall smells...I can still see the look on my little mans face...I can still feel the sense of dread inside of me...I somehow knew that would be the last day I would spend with my boy...it was a feeling I had inside the moment we arrived at the Royal University Hospital in Saskatoon. I try really hard to never use the word, hate...but I hate that place. I hate it because all of our family could not be together when that is what we were used to and needed most. I hate that Dawson missed his brother and his brother missed him. I hate that we had to leave Alex behind when he was also afraid of what was happening to his brother who he loved so much. I hate that Dawson was afraid in his room when his room mates medical equipment would beep all night long. I hate that he was already deeply afraid of what was happening to him and his surroundings didn't help. I hate that place because it was where I saw things I'll never forget. I hate that place because it is where my son died in my arms....yet it is where we spent our last, most beautiful day together.

I just want everyone to know how deeply thankful we are for the support of Skate4Smiles in Dawson's memory...we are so passionate about helping other families and hoping we can make a difference so they don't have to endure what our family did. We know the new hospital will not stop the loss of more children or stop children from becoming sick but we do know the new hospital will make it possible for families to be together in a child friendly environment. That we can do something about...and we thank each and everyone one of you for making that possible.

I am so thankful God allowed me to be Dawson's momma while he walked this earth...he is so loved...and we are so blessed. Forever and Always.

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